Random acts of goofiness-A reflection of interacting with customers

I have just decided to post some random acts of random goofy remarks that I have encountered working in a bike store. I realize that people screw up-I am at the top of this list, but these go beyond even my capacity (Charo, too) to completely destroy the english language. So if you are one of the few that have been guilty of these faux pa's, please read this and educate yourselves before entering a bike store. These are all real accounts.

• For the love of God, stop wearing underwear with lycra shorts-I have not done this, by the way.
• His name is BONTRAGER, not: BUNTRANGER or BUTRANGER, nor is it BO-TRAGER.
• No, bar ends are not meant to act as 10" riser bars.
• What weight motor oil should I use on my chain? Can you find the word in that sentence that states the obvious?
• We sell Madone's, not MAD-ONE's. Yes he really asked about that.
• Kryptonite is a brand name, not the material in which the lock is made of.
• "I would like to put an adjustable stem on my bike" (which happened to be a Serotta road bike) That is what hybrids are for.
• "My water bottle wont stay in the cage" (cage was upside down) admitted to losing 5 bottles over a week period?
• I heard dem Treks is fast bikes. Is dat true?
• This is the best-I spent 15 minutes with a customer who layed out 10k on a Project One Madone. Bike weighed in at 14.5 lbs. "How light are these cages?" 17gms. "So if I put these on, it will make the bike lighter, right?" No, you will be adding 34 grams for two to the overall weight of the bike. "How do you figure?" I was puzzled by the response. Sir, you are adding 34 gms to the bike, which is a little over an ounce. "I guess I am not understanding what you are saying." Ok, keep in mind that he wasnt comparing other cages, he swore that the bike would be lighter because he was ADDING 2 carbonwater bottle cages. 15 minutes of this.
• A customer brought in a wheel called the "Slow Wheel." It has a weight on the hub to make the wheel heavier for training for tri's or other cycling events. He paid 499.00 for it. I recommended Joel Friels Cycling Bible to him. His response-"Cycling books seem like a waste of money to me, anyway I'm not that serious of a cyclist." I see, you spent 499.00 on a contraption such as this, but 29.99 for the best cycling advice you can get is foolish? What did Jim Morrison say? "People are strange." 
• This gentleman was a math teacher at a local school-no joke. Tell me why I should spend 600.00 on bike here when I have bought five, 139.00 "mountain bikes" from W-----T in the last 10 months? They gave me a new one when the others stopped functioning in various ways. Did you really just ask me that?
• Finally; what is the difference between a 6, 7 and 8 speed gears on the back wheel? He wasnt a math teacher.

Ok, there are more, but these are the one's that really made an impact on me. This wasnt meant to poke fun at people, but sometimes you have to release the inner evil and just let it out. I just look at it as material for an entry into a blog that otherwise would have nothing. Over and out.